How do you explain the ‘all-consuming rage’ to someone who isn’t peri-menopausal/menopausal?
This is something I constantly struggle with when trying to make my husband understand. How do you explain something that doesn’t make sense to you? Something that is out of your control. The best analogy I can come up with is a volcano erupting (apologies in advance, but you will hear the volcano analogy more than once – it seems to be the best word to describe a lot of the symptoms I’ve suffered 😊). We are not talking about the early stages of a volcanic eruption. There is no initial steam or
venting to pre-warn you of the eruption about to take place. Oh no, that would mean you would have the option to calm down before the event. No, this ‘rage’ goes straight to the catastrophic eruption with lava and ash flowing freely as you shout at your husband and kids for the silliest of reasons (which obviously are not silly to you at the time).
This has happened to me on many occasions, but one stands out:
It was near to the start of my menopausal journey and about a month into the first lockdown. The children were 5 years old, and 9 months and I was trying to get my daughter to do the small amount of reading she needed to do (or rather I thought she needed to do more likely!) for homeschooling. I remember she wasn’t having any of it, my son was screaming, my daughter was crying, and I just LOST it. My husband came running in thinking the level had been raised to severe and we were in imminent danger of an attack. He then uttered those words that send any peri-menopausal/menopausal woman into a cataclysmic meltdown “Calm down”. I handed over the baby
and said, ‘You deal with it then – I’ve had enough’. I stormed out, got myself a chocolate bar and coke, slammed the door, and went to sit on a bench in the middle of the village. I remember sitting there for about 20 minutes until the ‘rage’ had subsided having to explain to any villagers passing by on their daily walk, that yes, I was fine, I was just having some me time!
My husband can now spot the signs of a cataclysmic meltdown and gently ushers the children out of the way to give me the space I need.
So, my advice to you is, never utter those words “calm down” to any woman going through this if you value your safety. We cannot control this rage; it comes out of nowhere and disappears again. It may seem silly to you, but to us, it is the most important issue in the world, and we just need to erupt.